The American Rescue Mission
Reverend Roy Albert,
Pastor
Columpia, South Carolina
Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each summer, for the past 14 years, I have toured the Southwestern United States and have delivered a dynamic series of lectures on the evils of drinking and smoking.
I have been accompanied each year by my friend Clyde Pasternak, a young man from a fine family and excellent background. Clyde was a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in whiskey and wanton women.
Clyde would sit with us at the lectures and stare at the audience through his bloodshot eyes, wheezing, sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing gas, fondling his genitals and making obscene gestures; whereupon I would point him out as an example of
what overindulgence can do.
Regrettably, Clyde has died.
A mutual friend has given me your name. I wonder if you would be willing to take Clyde's place on my 1987 tour?
 Respectfully yours,
Reverend R. Albert
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