Pronouncements from Popular Pessimists
Or
Laws of the Universe
- Mosher's Maxim: (Renamed Nixon's law for a short time) Murphy's Law is far too optimistic.
- Clif's Corrolary: All the good work, company loyalty, dedication, and work ethic in no way can make up for 30 seconds of sucking up at the right time.
- Murphy's Law: (1) Nothing is as easy as it looks; (2) Everything takes longer than you think; and (3) if anything can go wrong it will.
- The Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.
- Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
- Bramhams's Theorem: A day without a crisis is a total loss.
- Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
- Jenning's Corollary: The chance of the bread falling with the jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
- Gordon's First Law: If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
- 9. Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be modified.
- Boren's First Law: When in doubt, mumble.
- Dochter's Dictum: Somewhere, right now, ther's a committee deciding your future: only you weren't invited.
- Rule of Projects: The first 90% of any project takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90%.
- Scheuber's Hypothesis: Don't try to fix nothing that ain't broke.
- Gardner's Philosophy: Brilliant opportunities are cleverly disguised as insolvable problems.
- Schultz's Speculation: If you can't be right, be wrong at the top of your voice.
- St. Benedict's Dictum: It is easier to beg forgiveness than to seek permission.
- Satlinger's Law of Electronics: It works better if you plug it in.
- The Peter Principle: In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
- Prkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
- The Law Of Verbal Burble: When all is said and done, more is said than done.
