home|(jokes):."Accident Report" homepage|Seth Croston Barber

Accident Report


Dear Sirs:

I am writing in response to George Watkin's recent request for additional information in Block 13 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer working for Fletch Waggoner on his new building. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of the 6th story. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 lbs. of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow decent of the 500 lbs. of bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding in a downward direction at an equally impressive rate of speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collar bone, as listed in Sec. III of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pulley, which I mentioned in Paragraph 13 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approx. the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approx. 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight in Block 11.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, broken tooth, severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only cracked 3 vertebrae.

I am sorry to report, that as I lay there in the pile of bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope..........